We rob them of this power. This sets up a power struggle. The child resists the parental urgings and manipulations. The power struggle needs to dissolve. I suggest you teach them how to wash soiled underwear and how to do a load of laundry. Alyson has been blogging parenting advice for over 15 years. Her content appears on sites across Canada and the US, but you can read all her own blog posts right here.
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The normal struggle can be even more difficult when there are sensory processing issues. Recognizing that they need to go, wearing big girl or big boy underwear, and being able to use different toilets can all be impacted by sensory processing. Toileting requires a significant amount of body awareness. Sensory processing is a natural part of the toileting process.